I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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