There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize