I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
