I want to make a zoo with you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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