the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize