whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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