Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
