Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
