Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
