I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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