Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All the doctor said was why
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
