It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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