I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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