epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
