the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
