if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
