It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
