Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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