My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
