There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize