trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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