everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize