I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
