in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
