didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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