I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
