My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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