can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
