if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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