i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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