Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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