He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
