I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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