I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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