Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
