What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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