i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
