Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
