whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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