Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My feet surprised me
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