You really coming over, don't trick.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
