i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
