Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
