is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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