no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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