Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
