He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
