u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize