she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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