you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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