the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
