I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
