I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
