wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
