He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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