I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
