I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
