Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
as a side note pls kill me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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