As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
