i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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