Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
