I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
