Don't make out with my wife yet
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
