i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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