What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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