oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize