EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
