sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
