Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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