Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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